It actually happened.
On March 7, 2011, filling my Toyota Camry with gas at Costco cost $50.00 And that's without a service charge!
What is next for us poor suckers?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Dear Members of the Academy:
Watching the Academy Awards telecast last month, I was reminded, repeatedly, of the wise old saying that it is better to stay silent and be thought an idiot than to speak and remove all doubt.
In the case of the Oscars, not only were my fears confirmed—these actors are idiots—they washed away my appreciation of these award winners’ fine work. Why do the powers that be even allow these people to speak unscripted? After all, we know only that the nominees excel at delivering words written by others. At what point in time did the producers of the biggest praise-fest in the world start assuming that an Oscar-caliber actor could put together a cogent sentence on his or her own?
Industry types say, “C’mon, it’s their big moment.” Bullsh**. Their big moment was in the film, when they defied the odds and lived their dream of acting in a great role and getting paid for it. And then again when millions of people saw their performances. All the nominees have been receiving attention and accolades for six months to a year before the coveted gold statues are handed out. Isn’t that enough?
After being subjected to approximately 2 hours of intermittent rambling drivel, I’ve come to the conclusion that only NON actors should be permitted to give speeches. It’s hard to say which was the last straw: Melissa Leo’s classless cursing, Natalie Portman’s mindless chatter, Julian Bale, dropping names of everyone he could bore us with except that of his forgotten wife, and virtually every other winner’s indulgent, pointless and decidedly non-entertaining speeches.
You tremendous performers made us love you and innocently overestimate your charm and intelligence. Next year, please, for all our sakes, leave us our illusions and keep your mouths shut.
In the case of the Oscars, not only were my fears confirmed—these actors are idiots—they washed away my appreciation of these award winners’ fine work. Why do the powers that be even allow these people to speak unscripted? After all, we know only that the nominees excel at delivering words written by others. At what point in time did the producers of the biggest praise-fest in the world start assuming that an Oscar-caliber actor could put together a cogent sentence on his or her own?
Industry types say, “C’mon, it’s their big moment.” Bullsh**. Their big moment was in the film, when they defied the odds and lived their dream of acting in a great role and getting paid for it. And then again when millions of people saw their performances. All the nominees have been receiving attention and accolades for six months to a year before the coveted gold statues are handed out. Isn’t that enough?
After being subjected to approximately 2 hours of intermittent rambling drivel, I’ve come to the conclusion that only NON actors should be permitted to give speeches. It’s hard to say which was the last straw: Melissa Leo’s classless cursing, Natalie Portman’s mindless chatter, Julian Bale, dropping names of everyone he could bore us with except that of his forgotten wife, and virtually every other winner’s indulgent, pointless and decidedly non-entertaining speeches.
You tremendous performers made us love you and innocently overestimate your charm and intelligence. Next year, please, for all our sakes, leave us our illusions and keep your mouths shut.
Friday, February 25, 2011
NYT's Column on Language Discontinued
Read all about it here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/27/magazine/27fob-onlanguage-t.html?_r=1
Forget the end of an era and closed doors opening windows. If there is no longer an interest in perpetuating and perfecting the language we use to communicate, I fear we are headed in the wrong direction.
Until someone else picks up the language torch, we'll have to get by on the archives:
http://topics.nytimes.com/topics/features/magazine/columns/on_language/index.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/27/magazine/27fob-onlanguage-t.html?_r=1
Forget the end of an era and closed doors opening windows. If there is no longer an interest in perpetuating and perfecting the language we use to communicate, I fear we are headed in the wrong direction.
Until someone else picks up the language torch, we'll have to get by on the archives:
http://topics.nytimes.com/topics/features/magazine/columns/on_language/index.html
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
What I could really use
A microphone that works in a large indoor pool setting.
None of my water aerobics instructors uses a microphone when teaching poolside. I remove my glasses when I take the class so I already can't see what they are doing. And sound doesn't exactly carry in a massive space encircling the pool. Can't someone invent a cheap, waterproof microphone that focuses sound into a specific area? Like a spotlight for an amplifier!
None of my water aerobics instructors uses a microphone when teaching poolside. I remove my glasses when I take the class so I already can't see what they are doing. And sound doesn't exactly carry in a massive space encircling the pool. Can't someone invent a cheap, waterproof microphone that focuses sound into a specific area? Like a spotlight for an amplifier!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Another sign that you are old
When you suddenly think everyone looks like they are 12, you are on your way over the hill. I don't know why, but 12 is the magic number. Also, when you start to use the words "marvelous" or "sumptuous," the hill is definitely in sight.
Be forewarned: NOT using these words will not keep you from aging.
Be forewarned: NOT using these words will not keep you from aging.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Chicken or the Egg but with...
Boobs and Yoga. I'll explain.
Over the years, I have noticed that women who teach yoga always seem to have remarkably nice and, to my untrained eye, natural breasts. Of course, my first assumption was that the particular exercising they did enhanced their bodies in this way.
But recently it occurred to me that it may be the other way around. What if women with terrific breasts are drawn to yoga instructing? So either they decide to teach and are subsequently (magically?) presented with a nice rack, or they catch themselves in the mirror one day and say, "This body should teach yoga!"
It's got to be one or the other, right?
Over the years, I have noticed that women who teach yoga always seem to have remarkably nice and, to my untrained eye, natural breasts. Of course, my first assumption was that the particular exercising they did enhanced their bodies in this way.
But recently it occurred to me that it may be the other way around. What if women with terrific breasts are drawn to yoga instructing? So either they decide to teach and are subsequently (magically?) presented with a nice rack, or they catch themselves in the mirror one day and say, "This body should teach yoga!"
It's got to be one or the other, right?
Sunday, December 5, 2010
When you're only one person...just say so.
In these tough economic times, a lot of people are going the entrepreneurial route and striking out on their own. Fine. Very courageous and a respectable thing to do.
What irritates me is people who hide their solo status with the use of the royal "We." What's wrong with being a one-person operation? The double whammy to my intelligence is referring to yourself or your company in the plural while using generic photos of good-looking strangers. Look, I want to support you in your new venture, but be straight with me about who, and how many, you are. Tell me YOUR name and post YOUR picture. Then I know you are sincere and probably legit. The fake photos are a dead giveaway, as are the absence of contact names on the Web site or the owner's initials taking the place of a genuine company identity.
All I'm saying is, stop trying to be something you are not. Don't make up recommendations and accomplishments and don't pretend to be more than you are. Be honest! Then the success that follows will be all yours.
What irritates me is people who hide their solo status with the use of the royal "We." What's wrong with being a one-person operation? The double whammy to my intelligence is referring to yourself or your company in the plural while using generic photos of good-looking strangers. Look, I want to support you in your new venture, but be straight with me about who, and how many, you are. Tell me YOUR name and post YOUR picture. Then I know you are sincere and probably legit. The fake photos are a dead giveaway, as are the absence of contact names on the Web site or the owner's initials taking the place of a genuine company identity.
All I'm saying is, stop trying to be something you are not. Don't make up recommendations and accomplishments and don't pretend to be more than you are. Be honest! Then the success that follows will be all yours.
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