I just saw a commercial for Fancy Feast "Appetizers" for cats. The other day in the supermarket, while looking for frozen buffalo tenders, I noticed a chicken snack for people called "Any'tizers." That's a little undignified for a human being, don'tcha think?
Putting aside the fact that cats need an hors oeuvre even less than people do, I think we humans are entitled to at least as much respect at mealtime as our feline friends—
Oh, wait. My cat informs me I am wrong. Never mind.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Thank goodness I have terrible eyesight
Looking in the mirror this morning I made a disturbing discovery. Once again I have the body I had in high school...before the surgery.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Is this thing on?
On the (rare) occasion that I forget that I hate most of humanity, I need only attend a multi-hour workshop with more than half a dozen strangers. Most fall into types I have categorized for you here:
The cougher - someone who was obviously too sick to attend and probably contagious but didn't want to miss the class!
Mouth breather - usually a man, usually over 30, with the beginnings of sinus problems whose breathing or throat-clearing are annoyingly audible and continuous.
Smelly perfume wearer - usually a woman but can be a man who wears so much perfume or aftershave (and never one you like), it not only drowns out YOUR cologne, you wind up smelling like the odorous offender until bedtime.
Derailer - a person who thinks he or she is the only person in the room, who keeps interrupting the speaker with non sequiturs which often contain intimate details that leave everyone with too much information about their classmate.
ADHD'er - often confused with derailers for their interrupting abilities, but more likely to ask nonstop questions that throw the class off schedule and leave everyone else plotting murder.
Hmm...which one am I?
The cougher - someone who was obviously too sick to attend and probably contagious but didn't want to miss the class!
Mouth breather - usually a man, usually over 30, with the beginnings of sinus problems whose breathing or throat-clearing are annoyingly audible and continuous.
Smelly perfume wearer - usually a woman but can be a man who wears so much perfume or aftershave (and never one you like), it not only drowns out YOUR cologne, you wind up smelling like the odorous offender until bedtime.
Derailer - a person who thinks he or she is the only person in the room, who keeps interrupting the speaker with non sequiturs which often contain intimate details that leave everyone with too much information about their classmate.
ADHD'er - often confused with derailers for their interrupting abilities, but more likely to ask nonstop questions that throw the class off schedule and leave everyone else plotting murder.
Hmm...which one am I?
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