How cold was it?

The pool at my gym had been closed for two weeks for resurfacing and such, and recently reopened during a chilly week in Northern California. I was looking forward to resuming my aqua exercise regimen yesterday but it turns out the water in a big pool takes a long time to reheat. The class toughed it out but it was so cold!

How cold?

1) The lifeguards were bribing us not to get into any trouble that would force them into the unpleasantly crisp water.

2) Even the 300 pound guy was shivering.

3) For the first time ever, I wished someone would pee in the pool.

(Just kidding about the first two.)

Happy end of 2013!

The Great Nail Polish Swindle

Since I did not get my first manicure until I was in my 30s (where I intend to stay, for future reference), I had no idea the difficulty of holding on to the right shade of polish once you find it. Having experienced the heartbreak of discovering a great color at a salon, not making a note of it, and being unable to find it again, I've taken to buying the shades I like whenever I find them.

My tastes have been pretty consistent over the years so I thought I was set for the foreseeable future. Hard lesson #1: Nail polish doesn't last forever. It gets thick and eventually unusable. Harder lesson #2: Polish makers (OPI, I'm talking to you!) are evil. They regularly discontinue your favorite ridiculously named flavors (St. Petersburgundy and Toffee Treat, for instance), and you can never purchase them again. Then you have to find a new suitable shade which will also be summarily removed from the shelves and off of my once beautifully polished fingernails.

Why does no one tell you these things before it's too late?

Vocabulary Words for November

replete - a terrific underused adjective that means 1) abounding or 2) satiated, having had plenty to eat.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Happy Halloween!

It's the day when all the amateurs troll for candy, so enjoy! Tomorrow I will swoop in and grab what's left at a discount.

In the meantime, I've noticed my neighborhood going downhill. You know that's the case when you're at the shopping center down the street from where you live and see three unrelated people who may OR MORE LIKELY MAY NOT be in costume for Halloween dressed as, respectively, a crazy lady, a transvestite and a Michael Jackson impersonator. Guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to know what I've been looking at.

New puppy mama

After 12 years of wanting, I finally have a dog, and I suspect many of my future posts will involve this new part of my life. You have been warned.

In the first few weeks with the new puppy, I met neighbors and other strangers who never gave me the time of day before I had her. One of them, ironically, helped me land a job that will take me away from her a few times a week. But I digress. The point is, I met so many new people on a daily basis, I gave up on keeping track of them, or even asking their names. Now I only ask their dogs' names. Realized I wouldn't recognize 75 percent of the dog owners without their dogs. Feel free to discuss.

Vocabulary Words for September

ensue - to follow immediately after or as a direct result of (like violence, chaos or hilarity)

intervene - to occur between two times or events OR to interfere with the outcome of a condition or process OR to enter or appear as an irrelevant or extraneous feature or circumstance. (Actually, it has six different usages, according to Merriam Webster, but I think we should limit definitions to those listed above.)

No word should have six different meanings. You might as well throw it in anywhere.

Curmudgeon Consumer - Back to School Edition

Well, it's September. School is back in session, and so is rush-hour traffic. The new fall television shows are finally on the schedule. And my circulars have stopped coming. Uh-what? It seems the start of September has also triggered a discontinuation of the weekly sales ads normally delivered to my U.S. mailbox.

Granted, my Safeway is so close by, it is going to get my business with or without the mailings. But the other circular-producing supermarkets are not. Like most people in this century, I look for sales, but I can't spend all my time doing that; stores are supposed to come and get me.

Raley's/Nob Hill, I really like your stores. But don't punish me for residing a whopping four miles away. Your "redesigned" website makes it impossible to find the specials in a hurry. Don't you want my in-person business?

I know mailers waste paper and cost money, but misguided businesses, believe me: It is costing you more NOT to send me anything. I hope you get the message.

When will they learn?

I believe the viewing audience already knows that "Breaking News" has little to no meaning anymore.
Breaking News does NOT equal News We Just Learned Even Though It's Over a Year Old, nor is it the same as Something That Happened Yesterday but We Have Correct Information Now.

When will the television news outlets realize this?

Story of my life...

No matter how much I eat, I cannot seem to lose any weight. What's up with that?

New use for an old tool, or just an old tool?

I just saw a deal on an ice pick with a wooden handle...

http://www.cautivadora.com/Ice-Pick-Wood-Handle_p_11343.html

I know serial killers and vampires are hot right now, but what use would a normal person in the 21st century have for an ice pick?

P.S. This is not a rhetorical question.

Keeping the Bar Low

Looking for a new hairdo online. The one I want turns out to be a "Before" picture. That's probably a bad sign.

(And one's a fish)

Courtesy of Dictionary.com:

Founder (verb) -

foun•der

 
1. (of a ship, boat, etc.) to fill with water and sink.
2. to fall or sink down, as buildings, ground, etc.: Built on a former lake bed, the building has foundered nearly ten feet.
***3. to become wrecked; fail utterly: The project foundered because public support was lacking.
***4. to stumble, break down, or go lame, as a horse: His mount foundered on the rocky path.
5.to become ill from overeating.

Flounder - (verb)

floun•der

1. to struggle with stumbling or plunging movements (usually followed by about, along, on, through, etc.): He saw the child floundering about in the water.
***2. to struggle clumsily or helplessly: He floundered helplessly on the first day of his new job.

Similar, no?

Untitled

Even after all these years, I'm such a curious person. Why do you think that is?

Mother's Day Irony

It was just Mother's Day, and I know it's one of the biggest restaurant days of the year. (Brunch rules!) But when I think of Mother's Day, what I DON'T think of is sex.

For the mothers I know, if it's up to them, sex isn't top of the list on their "special" day. Could it be that on the day that is celebrated because Mom had sex with Dad, that there is less sex going on than on any other day?

End of Month Special

Once again, one news story has usurped all of the newscasters' reporting. First it was the Boston Marathon bombing, then it was the Texas explosion, now it's back to investigation of the bombing.

I'm pretty sure there are other important stories going uncovered right now: Like the helium shortage, a cybersecurity bill passing in the House, and the Affordable Care Act (aka "Obamacare") going into effect.

Why must I work so hard to get real news?

Newsflash: Texting while Driving BAD!

As a rabid opponent of using a cellphone while driving, I am not surprised to hear the results of a new study
(http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/03/28/adults-worse-than-teens-about-texting-behind-wheel/2026331/)
declaring that nearly half of all those surveyed do text and drive, despite the fact that almost all of the people surveyed know it is dangerous.

They needed a study for this?

Pope Talk

I mean no disrespect to the outgoing Pope, but what's with all the talk about what he'll do in his "retirement" when, really, does anyone think it'll be a long, productive one?

If you ask me, all the money and effort being spent on remodeling his next forever home seem like a big waste and short-sighted.

After all, if the guy thought he had a fruitful future ahead, he would have kept the job till death parted him from it, as I understand is the custom.

So Catholics, pay your respects, and Mainstream Media, marvel at and over-report this once in a lifetime royal resignation, but please stop speculating about what's ahead for the first Pope Emeritus. It's the same future that awaits us all.

First Curmudgeon Consumer of the New Year

Dear Trader Joe's,

I can't believe you are out of all your holiday foods the day after Christmas. Yeah, they're popular. I get it. But I couldn't afford to buy myself anything until after the holidays. Has it ever occurred to you, Joe's, that some of your customers might receive gift cards that we can now spend at your store? Except all of your dark chocolate peppermints and chocolate-dipped ginger cookies and passport collection chocolate bars (I think you get the idea here) are gone for the season!

Please, Joe's, stop discriminating against non-gentiles and people who rely on gifts to splurge on ourselves. Save some of the holiday merchandise for after the holidays!

Yours,
The Female Curmudgeon

p.s. And it wouldn't kill you to pick my ticket stub once in 10 years or so to win a gift card for bringing my own damn bags.

1st Great Idea of 2013

You know how they have "undocumented" workers hanging outside of Home Depot and Lowe's? They are there to help you with what you just purchased inside the store.

We could really use this for places that sell computers, printers, and anything technical.

Outside of Best Buy, Fry's, or even Target, instead of guys in jeans and T-shirts, there could be freelance geeks, dressed in rogue Geek Squad white button-down shirt and black tie, ready for hiring on the spot. You negotiate a price, drive them to your home and let them put everything together for you.

Then later, when your 2-year-old computer gets a particularly tricky virus, you can return to the store's parking lot and bring home a geek to fix your latest problems.

How great would that be?

Last Minute Random Thoughts

I was wondering, "Where is Waldo?" It occurs to me I have never met or heard of anyone actually named Waldo. Did that name fall out of favor, or was it always rare?

Great vocabulary words for today: deft, flourish. Both are also fun to say!

See you in 2013!