Brilliant Post-Thanksgiving Idea

For the day after Thanksgiving, someone should sell leftovers!

If you are someone's guest at Thanksgiving dinner, and your hosts are not relatives, you are very likely to leave sans leftovers. This has happened to me on more than one bittersweet occasion. The solution, I realize now, is for someone to offer a meal for the day after, complete with turkey, gravy, potatoes and/or stuffing,and maybe some green bean casserole. Not the family-feeding production the supermarkets sell; you rarely eat as big a meal the day after a feast. Maybe a lunch size. But a little post-Thanksgiving turkey would really do the trick.

Random but interesting

-I wish I knew whether I should start speaking to my cat like an adult. She is 14 now; maybe she no longer appreciates the high excited voice I use to make conversation.

-Not flattering: Recently I had a revelation about myself. It's not reading books I am hooked on - it's reading book titles. I can rummage through hundreds of them at book sales, but when I get them home, I don't care whether or not I read them.

-Tattoos used to brand you as unusual and interesting. Now they just make you one of the pack. I guess if you want to identify as a chef or musician, they're required.

What's the opposite of infamy?

Today was somewhat monumental. I filled my tank, and for the first time in a year, my car didn't need more gas than I had cash. It's a good day!

Best line I've heard this week

It's from the sitcom, "The Middle," starring Patricia Heaton. Her rather dimwitted teenage son hits on his cute, smart history tutor, who responds quite negatively. After she's done telling him off, he says, "If you're trying to insult me, you'll have to use smaller words."

Yay!

Happy Halloween!

What a relief to be on the west coast and unaffected by the candy-collecting crimp caused by Hurricane Sandy.

I'm not proud of this, but I confess I keep enough candy on hand to feed trick-or-treaters any day of the year. If I answered my doorbell, that is.

Happy Halloween!

At least the candidates can speak

No matter who you're rooting for at the presidential debate, be glad there'll be no ninnies or numbnuts at the podium. Romney is definitely capable of putting together a cogent sententence. If he actually gets into specifics this time, he could generate some real momentum.

President Obama is a pretty skilled orator, at least with prepared speeches. But he did something really smart that I almost didn't notice. At first, I thought he was just being modest when, talking about their debating skills, Obama said Romney was very good and that he was just so-so.

Then it was pointed out to me what was really going on: The president was raising the bar by lowering expectations for himself and lifting them for his opponent.

Smart! Sly, but smart.

Question about the 4th Estate

It is a common complaint that media in general and reporters in particular tend to be biased to the left. Whether that comes through in their reporting or not, that has been my overall experience as well.

My question is, why?

Arguably, the people who cover the news are among the most informed among Americans, right? So how is it that the majority of those who do a lot of research, follow news stories the most closely, and actually talk to the people involved skew in one direction?

I don't have an answer, but it makes one think.

Happy Birthday, Babs!

I never miss "The View," I admit it. Today's episode had the President and First Lady as guests for the whole hour, and happened to coincide with host Barbara Walters' birthday.

You may not know this, but Walters has a quirky habit of stealing souvenirs from the White House whenever she has occasion to be there, which, surprisingly, is still on a regular basis.

Knowing this the Obamas brought Babs a birthday gift - a basket of assorted signature items from the White House, including beer, a golf ball and napkins. See for yourself:

http://jezebel.com/5946239/watch-potus-and-flotus-make-their-genuinely-adorable-appearance-on-the-view

What strikes me funny is the idea of a young black couple bringing an old white lady gifts so she doesn't steal from them!

Olympic Irony

I'm pretty consistent when it comes to exercise. For the most part, I get to the gym 5-6 times a week and work out in a variety of ways. I am also consistent when it comes to television. I watch a ton of it. But I often move around while I'm doing it so I'm not too sedentary.

But keeping up with the Olympics broadcasts has turned me into an Idle American.

Because you can't take your eyes off gymnastics performances in order to fully participate as a home audience member. I want to see every jump, vault, leap and fall, and for that, it is necessary to keep my eyes glued to the screen.

When I moved to my third-floor walk-up apartment, I lost five pounds in the first two weeks, just from running errands and returning home. Now, from watching athletes in peak physical condition for more than a week, I have abandoned my own fitness regiment and become a slug in my living room.

Thank goodness the Games are now over. They were terrible for my health.

Goodbye, McDonald's Breakfast!

Dear McD,

Though I admit to being older than the Egg Mcmuffin, it was your fabulous high-fat breakfast entrees that brought me around: I love the bacon, egg & cheese biscuit, the cinnamon buns are deliciously evil, and the McGriddle was a revelation; I haven't had a homemade buttermilk pancake since they were introduced.

Knowing none of these entrees are vitamin and nutrition-packed, I try not to indulge very often. June 29, 2012 was my big day. I stopped for a breakfast biscuit before an early morning meeting...for the last time.

It was yummy as usual. But I couldn't get over the price. When the meat-filled biscuits first came on the market, they were a great deal - 99 cents, I believe. For a long time they were two for $3.00 (a great deal for the wallet if not the waistline). Somewhere along the way they obviously went up to $2.00 and now have passed $3 each. On June 29, the McDonald's breakfast biscuit cost me $3.59 PLUS tax, bringing the total to $3.89!

This was not at an airport location either but on a corner in a South Bay suburb. For $4.00, I'm pretty sure I can purchase actual food! And, more critically, for $4.00, I used to be able to get 4 biscuits. Look, I'm not great at math, but it looks to me like the price has quadrupled since its birth in about the 1980s.


Holy crap. I've been eating these things for 30 years?!

Anyhoo, this seems like quite the price explosion. Especially since McDonald's' revenues have swollen like Americans' behinds the last few years. And don't think I didn't notice the dwindling options on the Dollar Menu in favor of the "Extra Value" and more expensive offerings.

Time to shape up, McD. Whatever is going on with you, McDonald's, I can no longer be a party to it. From now until the prices come down, your breakfasts are off my menu.

At my whereabouts' end

Note to self: When trying not to get lost in San Francisco, do not use Starbucks or Walgreen's as landmarks.

So Stop It!

Having relocated from Southern California to Northern California for the second time, I am getting reacquainted with the quirks and characteristics of my current neighborhood.

What I have observed so far is mostly positive. The people in the SF/Peninsula area are, in general, more polite, more intelligent and better traveled than down south, and annoyingly more fit than anywhere else I have ever lived, including Miami in the 1980s.

The women seem to favor sandals with pedal-pusher style slacks, which do not particularly flatter those of us with short legs.

After almost a month of sampling, I have not had a bad meal in Redwood City, although my search for a traditional tuna melt for under $10 continues.

Last and least positive, the overuse of the word "So" at the beginning of most sentences and every single answer to a question, where it serves no purpose whatsoever. This has gone from habitual to epidemic, rampant, obnoxious and headache-provoking. How can anyone who has listened to more than one speaker in an afternoon stand to hear it anymore?

The worst part about this kind of bad habit is that the more I hear it, the more likely I am to pick it up myself. Exhibit A: my previous post.

So...please stop it, if not for yourself, for the sanity of your favorite Female Curmudgeon.

Political "Fun"d Raiser

So, people paid $40,000 each to meet Barack Obama at a fundraising event at George Clooney's house? I got news for you, Mr. President: You could have raised just as much money without showing up. People will happily pay that much just to meet George Clooney! And the Secret Service wouldn't clog up the traffic.

Call me if you need more brilliant ideas.

Serving Suggestion

I bought a big bag of Ruffles potato chips and can't stop eating them. When the bag says there are "9 servings" in the entire package, that's just a suggestion, right? Because I'm eating them as an entree, not a side dish. Good thing I bought the Lights.

Consumers, Beware!

Is Pop Secret screwing with me or my microwave?

My favorite brand of microwave popcorn has cheaped out in a sly way. The 3-bag package has changed its contents from 3.5 oz., which my current microwave recognizes with its own popcorn button, to 3.2 oz., which adds a step to getting my hot popped snack. Not cool,Pop Secret!

Even worse is what Mars, Inc. is pulling. First they make teeny tiny size Twix bars that you have to eat a bag of to be satisfied. Then they bring back the more practical "snack" size in 10-packs for a dollar. Yay! About a year ago, they were changed to 8-packs, still a buck. Not so yay. This month I see the package has been reduced to 6-packs, FOR THE SAME PRICE! Are times that tough, Mars, Inc.? You've practically doubled the price of a very successful candy bar; this is beyond sleazy. This is scammy.

Even my favorite family game show, "Jeopardy," has cut back. The length of each episode is 1-2 minutes shorter in the new season. Now, that does allow for faster watching on my DVR. But consequently, more often than not, time runs out before all the questions/answers have been selected. This means the contestants accumulate less money overall, and the writers' work is going to waste. I'm assuming this, too, is a cost-cutting measure, maybe to pay for the spiffy fonts and set upgrades. But, really, how much more could it cost to produce a tv show that's relatively unchanged for 30 years?

Sweet Thing

Getting a laugh from your mate with a really old joke he's never heard before!

J-Lo Oscar Nip Slip Story

Like you, I thought Jennifer Lopez, in her impossibly wide-cut gorgeous gown, was revealing a little something extra at the Oscars telecast.

Then I realized, J-Lo doesn't have wardrobe malfunctions. In fact, Jenny from the Block doesn't have accidents of any kind, as far as I can tell. But after intense investigation with the help of my DVR, I have come to the conclusion that it was all done with makeup.

Yes, on television it looked like Jennifer's left aureola was seeking some spotlight. But I now believe the familiar dark area was intentionally shaded to look like we were seeing something we weren't. A momentary thrill for all, and J-Lo's a genius!

You heard it here first.

Never trust a water aerobics instructor who has fake boobs

I've learned this the hard way. Women whose breasts do not move with the rest of their body, don't seem to realize the implications for the rest of us.

Twice now I have had instructors who think, because students are in the water and therefore buoyant, that jumping up and down as hard and high as they can is a good thing to do.

It's not. It's uncomfortable, and sometimes it hurts.

Please, if you have or intend to get a boob job, do not consider teaching water aerobics.

Haircut Etiquette

I recently received a big haircut. Got more than half the mane professionally removed and the rest coiffed. I love the new 'do, my husband loves it; that's all that matters.

Almost.

Though I have advised audiences in the past about the proper reaction to a haircut, it appears it is time for a refresher.

Lesson #1 - "You got your haircut" is not a compliment; it is an observer patting himself on the back for his observation.

Lesson #2 - Ditto for "Did you get your ears lowered?" Not a compliment and not even helpful. No credit.

Tip #1 - If you don't like it, don't point it out. Pretend you don't notice. Is that so hard?

Tip #2 - The thoughtful comment "That's much better" Female Curmudgeon will accept as a compliment, along with "I like your haircut," "You look great!" and other positives. Each such response receives full credit.

Married guys in particular - You should know this already. You're welcome!

Knowing Right From Obnoxious

As a semi-serious journalist and newsie, I am often embarrassed by how much I know about pop culture. But for this one I make no apology.

Demi Moore's not doing too well since her breakup with Ashton Kutcher. Who wouldn't empathize with the parties involved? Yes, they both Twitter and share way too much, but the end of a marriage is a sad, traumatic event to go through. I hope I never do.

So I can only imagine how much worse it must feel when a heartbroken person has what I hope is her lowest moment, and winds up in the hospital. What I CAN'T imagine is the compounded insult of having a 911 call broadcast for the rest of the world - whose business it is not in any way - to hear. Is nothing off limits when the public wants to know?

By the way, I felt pity for Alec Baldwin when his nasty voicemail message was leaked. At what point do you lose your right to privacy in the privatest of matters?

Get Those GD Cellphones Off My GD Plane!

And speaking of private matters: People are actually fighting for their right to talk on cell phones while on an airplane. And many of them are even old enough to remember how people occupied themselves before the internet. The story is that airlines ban cell phone use, arguing it can potentially interfere with the flight's navigation, but that no incidents have ever been reported. Therefore, the ban should be lifted.

I never thought the ban was about technology. I thought it was for the sake of common courtesy. Now there will have to be a "policy" to protect people like me from getting stuck on a flight with people who want to pretend they're not in a crowded coach but on a private plane that serves only them. Grow up! And get off my lawn!

You still want strength of character in a president?

I said it when it was Bill Clinton on the hotseat, I'll repeat it for Newt Gingrich. Someone's sex life is none of my business, and, more important, it's no indication of how someone will perform in a professional situation.

Adorable John King really disappointed me at the recent GOP debate. The first thing he wanted to ask candidate Gingrich was about recent revelations, also known as gossip, from his ex-wife about his infidelity and open marriage proposal. Really, John? This is how you choose to inform the public? Gingrich's response, which wasn't bad, by the way, couldn't possibly help voters decide if he should be president.

Poor Adele

First, I want to point out that I loved Adele the singer back when Amy Winehouse was still alive. I read they were both from the same London neighborhood, which would account for my liking both their voices.

But poor Adele. She is getting overexposed without even singing. Out of commission for the last few months after vocal surgery, her hit "Rolling in the Deep" continues to play within earshot almost every day. It's making me sick of her already! What a shame. Get better soon, Adele. We need to hear some new from you asap.

Attn: Consumer Affairs

Dear Trader Joe's,

Well, you got me again. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I sampled and subsequently became hooked on your dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I hope the Reese's people aren't offended when I declare to you that your product is superior in yumminess. I was rationing myself effectively by buying the small packages containing nine cups (aka three single servings) each. But after the holidays, they were nowhere to be found. Oh, you still carry the plastic box (with a newly raised price) containing three times as much, but with the cups wrapped only in foil, I could no longer ration my daily intake because there was no airtight bag to slow me down! Since I am unwilling to pay more than $4.00 for a bag of candy, I am forced to get over my addiction without even the opportunity to taper off.

You have pulled this before, Trader Joe's. You once carried a terrific breakfast bar with dark chocolate chips, and one day the entire product was gone. I was told that the bars, which I had been eating for over a year without incident, had been voluntarily recalled for potentially dangerous bacteria or some such. C'mon, T.J.'s! Shouldn't I have been given the opportunity to decide whether to take my chances before it became unavailable? I waited for almost a year for its return, and in the process was forced to consume junky alternatives containing high fructose corn syrup! The bars are back, thank goodness, but I'm not sure they were worth the long wait.

Same goes for Trader Joe's brand of Spinach Pie. The T.J. version of spanakopita was a great vegetarian entree for work because it could be eaten hot or at room temperature. But when I needed dinners for my night job, no more pie. For the holidays or forever? I still can't get a straight answer.

Years ago I made a delicious discovery. For about a minute one October, Trader Joe's put out its famously addictive tiny chocolate chip cookies in single servings. It was the greatest thing to happen to my lack of self-control since ziploc freezer bags. And then they were gone. I learned after the fact that the snack size boxes were for Halloween only. Again I must ask: why, T.J., why?

If you persist in getting me hooked on products you intend to take away, at least include a warning on the package. "Be advised, this product in its current form is available for a limited time only, so don't get too attached."

* * * *

Dear Starbucks,

I don't drink coffee so, granted, I am not your #1 customer. But most people I know enjoy your joe so I often find myself in your establishments and in need of a beverage. My drink of choice is iced tea but since you refuse (see previous correspondence) to provide lemon, last week I opted for hot tea. It was served really hot. Too hot to drink, in fact.

For to-go orders, I can see the logic of providing scalding hot beverages that will cool off en route to their destination. But I am drinking it at Starbucks! How long do you think I want to wait once I've walked it to my table before bringing cup to mouth? I am baffled as to why anyone would want to be served scalding hot beverage for immediate consumption. Not so refreshing.

So here's my idea: Why not serve items at temperatures that complement my palate rather than burn the roof of my mouth? Just a thought.