Goodbye and Good Riddance, 2011!

Happy New Year to us all! And by happy I mean compared to the year we are seeing off. In other words, I truly hope and expect that 2012 is more enjoyable and a lot more prosperous than 2011.

Seriously.

Jon Huntsman on Trump Moderating GOP Debate

"This is not about ratings for Donald Trump, this is about jobs for the American people. This is a serious debate that we ought to be having here in the United States," he said on NBC's Today. "I believe that the presidency of the United States of America is beyond reality shows. This is a joke."

I can't believe I'm agreeing with such a conservative candidate but, Amen, Brudda!

(God forbid someone holds a debate where the American people actually learn something about the candidates' platforms and where they stand on real issues. Might scare off the lowest common denominator.)

How hard it is to get good news reported

I am momentarily speechless. Here's the story:

http://www.chron.com/news/article/Utah-mayor-used-alias-to-write-upbeat-news-stories-2264370.php

At least someone is noticing...
http://www.deadline.com/2011/11/should-the-fcc-crack-down-on-tv-stations-that-cooperate-on-news-ad-sales-and-retransmission-deals/

Why bother with multiple sources when you don't have multiple outlets?

27 Stations Use Same Lead for Conan Story

This would be funny if it didn't enrage me.

Excerpted from MediaBistro.com - "The likely explanation is that wire copy associated with the original source contained the phrase, which then made its way into scripts and onto prompters with little editing. Local news is increasingly under fire for content sharing, which the RTDNA recently discovered that a whopping 78% of stations do."

Here's the link to the whole story:
http://www.mediabistro.com/tvspy/while-covering-a-conan-obrien-story-18-local-stations-use-identical-phrasing_b27924

So, have anchors' vocabularies diminished to such an extent that they all must use the exact same words now? Nah, this is just the result of extreme consolidation and forced sharing of resources in news media. Who needs accuracy when you can have consistency?

Tell me again: Why should I care?

One recurring theme to this blog is my frustration with the entertainmentization of the news by most media—the moving away from relevant news and toward celebrity-focused content. Even though I was too young to appreciate when the news was considered a community service and a public trust, I really miss the concept.

What passes for news these days is not relevant, not news, and not even worth knowing.

Exhibit A: Nonstop coverage of the trial of Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray, who is accused of causing the singer's death. Even if there were some evil motive behind what happened, as opposed to it being just a tragic mistake, it still wouldn't merit such extreme attention. To whom does this case matter in the real world?

Exhibit B: Breathless coverage of the back entrance to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, because the President of the United States's car would soon be entering. Not newsworthy.

Exhibit C: Top story at noon: famous-for-no-good-reason Kim Kardashian filing for divorce from a white athlete after what must have been a hellish two months of marriage. I'm sick that I even know who this couple is although it gives me an idea for a new policy on giving wedding gifts...

Exhibit D: Allegations that presidential candidate Herman Cain was accused of sexual harassment by two different women 20 years ago. I'm not even going to argue about this story's relevance. My bigger concern is that this story came from one, and only one, source: Politico.com. Yes, the site has a great reputation. But it seems no other media outlets even feel the need to confirm this story with any independent investigations of their own, despite the fact that EVERY ONE OF THEM is retelling this story. That's not reporting, it's repeating. You know, like gossip.

Maybe in addition to having a "Most Popular" category, websites could also introduce a "Most Relevant." Instead of corporate moguls letting individuals decide what is news, howzabout just giving us actual news? And when I want something else, I'll go to TMZ.

Latest Brilliant Idea

Another genius idea for someone else to take and run with:

While a Like button and even a Dislike button are useful, they are not terribly helpful with specifics. How about being able to express different degrees of online Like?

LIKE LIKE - You might want to use this designation when you like a person who perhaps doesn't know your feelings, perhaps because you are in junior high school.

LIKE BUT - From high school on, you will likely find yourself more than once in a situation where you Like someone, but not the way he/she likes you.

LIKE MORE - Your feelings are growing for this person. Perhaps he/she has done something recently to get your attention and interest. This shows it was a success!

LIKE NOT - Someone you definitely liked at another time, but no longer do.

LIKE SO - You like someone who thinks you don't, and you want to set him/her straight.

LIKEWISE - To describe a person with whom you have a lot in common. And people who like us must be wise, right?

Only gardeners and children can "grow"

When I hear someone talk about "growing a business" or "growing the economy," I know they are not sincere.

Grow is not an action verb. It's passive...like the efforts of people who misuse the word. People can't "grow" real entities like money or a fan base. They have to be gone out and gotten.

And while I'm on the subject of The Female Curmudgeon's peeves, the phrase "Having said that" is just an overdone way of saying "But" or "However." If you indeed have "said that," there's no reason to reference it now, is there?

New Drinking Game

Do a shot every time you hear the word "caramelize." You don't even need cable to get sloshed!

When did this cooking term become so omnipresent?

Waiting for the jobs...or Godot?

I hate to get political on the WWW but, C'mon, politicians! The jobs are waiting to be created, and Americans are waiting for you to get off your butts and create them.

Businesses aren't going to hire until they feel confident about the U.S. economy, which nobody does. And tax breaks won't change that. Have the tax breaks of the last several years made anyone feel more secure? Of course not.

That's why it's now up to the government; the infernal institution that got its citizens into this mess is now the only one that can get us out. By creating some frickin' jobs! Lots of them.

It's simple really. The market requires consumers to spend money. Consumers require jobs to have the money to spend. Without employment, there are no consumers. There is no way around that.

So what is everyone waiting for?

Being unemployed is like...

Being forced to play a perpetual game of tag where you are always "it." Not quite as humiliating as your first time at summer camp but also less fun.

Women vs. Men

This is the 21st century, is it not? So, how is it that 95 percent of ladies rooms still do not have a hook for a purse? Handbags have not gone out of style in any place I have been in the last 10 years. C'mon, restroom designers. Get with the program!

The other night I tried "Just for Men" (for blacking out gray hair) just around the crown of my female head. It looked like it really worked before I went to bed. The next morning, the dye job seemed to have evaporated! Could it have figured out overnight that it was on the wrong gender? I guess I'll never know.

Et Tu, CBS?

Fake fireworks? Are you kidding me? According to the story below, CBS, once known as the "Tiffany Network," broadcast some embellished fireworks displays from Boston...

http://www.boston.com/ae/tv/articles/2011/07/08/cbs_broadcasts_altered_views_of_bostons_fourth_of_july_fireworks/

Is this really what we've come to now? Real fireworks are deemed not exciting enough by the powers that be so they just fake 'em! The obvious question is, what else that's being broadcast isn't real (that we don't know about)?

At this rate, I'm going to run out of outrage before the new year!

Casey Anthony Overkill

Now that the accused daughter-murderer has been found "not guilty," is our (two-week) long nightmare news outage over?

I wonder what else has been happening in the world that the media has refused to cover for the last fortnight to ensure us uninterrupted coverage of the trial.

Uch.

Latest Theory

Suspected multi-murderer and America's most wanted listee Whitey Bulger was finally caught this week after 16 years on the run. The FBI received a "tip" that led to his almost immediate arrest.

Hmm. Who would have had a motive to see something else splashed across all the papers and the internet?

I think it's obvious. Anthony Weiner. I don't know how he did it. Maybe he tipped off authorities via text message. However he managed it, Congratulations, disgraced former U.S. Representative Weiner! I hope he qualifies for the reward.

Now, how do we get Bulger off the front page and get some new news?

Please don't be (perfectly) frank or honest

I have a lot of language pet peeves. Heck, that's why I have a blog. From time to time I will share a word or phrase whose usage has gotten out of hand. The following is a peeve for June.

The teaser "To be perfectly frank," (or "honest") used to signal that a deeper level of candor was about to be shared. Usually, this translated into juicy gossip. Who doesn't want that? And who doesn't feel special when someone decides to be "perfectly frank" with us?

Until you consider the alternative: Speak with no conviction? Converse with you in only the most superficial way? Make sh*t up? Who wants that?

The point is, now the phrase gets thrown in to a sentence with no forethought, when in fact nothing salacious is ahead. That's always a disappointment.

Please, readers, do your part to put an end to this conversation flaccidifier (which should be a word). Do not use the phrase except in situations of extreme and genuine honesty!

Thanks a bunch.

Words of wisdom for graduation time

If you don't have a day job, you should at least have a good tan.

(Always use spf 50+, of course.)

Upside to high price of gas

Most of my friends live in Los Angeles while I reside in the next county over. And none of these people are poor like I am. So, when one of them invites me to a social affair, I have to factor in the cost of the drive. But now when I do go to an event, nobody expects me to bring anything. With the crazy cost of gas, driving there is the gift!

Re: Schwarzenegger, Edwards, etc.

Following the latest unasked-for revelation that Arnold Schwarzenegger is the latest married man to get another woman pregnant, I think I have come up with a theory about why men cheat that indignant women worldwide might understand.

Yes, married men should keep it in their pants, unless they have some alternate arrangement with their wives. And, no, there is no excuse for a man to have unprotected sex on the side. These are givens.

But we all know that men and women are built differently and react to things differently. Usually, that's what we like about them. We also know that the amount of testosterone in a person's body affects the way he or she behaves. So does serotonin. From what I understand, most men go through a period in their lives, sometimes a very long period, where they crave sex. They rarely get enough and still usually want it again by the next day.

Hmm. How can women relate to that? For starters, you could hand me a package of Dove dark chocolate. Most of the time I consume it in moderation. But do I ever stop wanting it? No!

Let me note here that this theory does not apply to ALL men. Just as there are probably some women out there who don't love chocolate.

Suppose you made a commitment when you got married that your husband would decide when and how much chocolate you could have for the rest of your life. Now, that doesn't seem right, does it?

And you probably agree to that arrangement with the best of intentions. But maybe after a few years, you start seeing chocolate all over the place. Maybe it is even offered to you. Will you really turn it down for the rest of your life, even if you're not getting enough at home?

I hope you see the connection now.

That's still no excuse for getting a woman pregnant.

But now say you become very famous and/or rich and therefore, hugely desirable. Ladies, you are being offered versions of chocolate you never even dreamed of. Do you still turn down the George Clooney of gourmet cocoa? Forever?? I think it will likely become irresistible eventually.

And that's why marriages where one person is outrageously popular rarely last. The best you can say to your mate is, "I never thought I'd have this opportunity! Can't I please just try it?" And some mates will understand. But not a lot.

The decline of legitimate news reporting

I am reluctantly posting a link to a talk show host about whom I feel only lukewarm because of one magnificent monologue that hit the spot with me. Please listen to the rant, starting about two minutes in, and, if you and I have anything in common, feel satisfied. Give it 5-10 minutes and try to ignore the idiotic name-calling, lame rimshot jokes and major liberal bent. It'll be worth it.

http://www.normangoldman.com/uploads/media/2341/NG_04-27-11_FullShow.mp3

Thank you, Norman Goldman, for succinctly explaining why any coverage of Donald Trump is an abandonment of decent journalism. I wish I had said it as well.

Lazy journalist word of the month: Meltdown

Ever since the terrible sequence of events in Japan, I hear the word "meltdown" thrown about in all situations pertaining to the nuclear plant. Do you know exactly what the word means when you hear it on the news? Can a reporter somewhere in the U.S. bother to look it up and define it for the rest of us instead of repeating the same old word?

No, that would take work. I know this because the word isn't even in any of my (many) old print dictionaries.

For all of us who care, here's a definition, courtesy of yourdictionary.com:
"meltdown - A situation in which a rapid rise in the power level of a nuclear reactor, as from a defect in the cooling system, results in the melting of the fuel rods and the release of dangerous radiation and may cause the core to sink into the earth."

There, isn't that better?

Red Letter Day

It actually happened.

On March 7, 2011, filling my Toyota Camry with gas at Costco cost $50.00 And that's without a service charge!

What is next for us poor suckers?

Dear Members of the Academy:

Watching the Academy Awards telecast last month, I was reminded, repeatedly, of the wise old saying that it is better to stay silent and be thought an idiot than to speak and remove all doubt.

In the case of the Oscars, not only were my fears confirmed—these actors are idiots—they washed away my appreciation of these award winners’ fine work. Why do the powers that be even allow these people to speak unscripted? After all, we know only that the nominees excel at delivering words written by others. At what point in time did the producers of the biggest praise-fest in the world start assuming that an Oscar-caliber actor could put together a cogent sentence on his or her own?

Industry types say, “C’mon, it’s their big moment.” Bullsh**. Their big moment was in the film, when they defied the odds and lived their dream of acting in a great role and getting paid for it. And then again when millions of people saw their performances. All the nominees have been receiving attention and accolades for six months to a year before the coveted gold statues are handed out. Isn’t that enough?

After being subjected to approximately 2 hours of intermittent rambling drivel, I’ve come to the conclusion that only NON actors should be permitted to give speeches. It’s hard to say which was the last straw: Melissa Leo’s classless cursing, Natalie Portman’s mindless chatter, Julian Bale, dropping names of everyone he could bore us with except that of his forgotten wife, and virtually every other winner’s indulgent, pointless and decidedly non-entertaining speeches.

You tremendous performers made us love you and innocently overestimate your charm and intelligence. Next year, please, for all our sakes, leave us our illusions and keep your mouths shut.

NYT's Column on Language Discontinued

Read all about it here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/27/magazine/27fob-onlanguage-t.html?_r=1

Forget the end of an era and closed doors opening windows. If there is no longer an interest in perpetuating and perfecting the language we use to communicate, I fear we are headed in the wrong direction.

Until someone else picks up the language torch, we'll have to get by on the archives:
http://topics.nytimes.com/topics/features/magazine/columns/on_language/index.html

What I could really use

A microphone that works in a large indoor pool setting.

None of my water aerobics instructors uses a microphone when teaching poolside. I remove my glasses when I take the class so I already can't see what they are doing. And sound doesn't exactly carry in a massive space encircling the pool. Can't someone invent a cheap, waterproof microphone that focuses sound into a specific area? Like a spotlight for an amplifier!

Another sign that you are old

When you suddenly think everyone looks like they are 12, you are on your way over the hill. I don't know why, but 12 is the magic number. Also, when you start to use the words "marvelous" or "sumptuous," the hill is definitely in sight.

Be forewarned: NOT using these words will not keep you from aging.

Chicken or the Egg but with...

Boobs and Yoga. I'll explain.
Over the years, I have noticed that women who teach yoga always seem to have remarkably nice and, to my untrained eye, natural breasts. Of course, my first assumption was that the particular exercising they did enhanced their bodies in this way.

But recently it occurred to me that it may be the other way around. What if women with terrific breasts are drawn to yoga instructing? So either they decide to teach and are subsequently (magically?) presented with a nice rack, or they catch themselves in the mirror one day and say, "This body should teach yoga!"

It's got to be one or the other, right?