Is George Clooney Dying?

I can come to no other logical conclusion to explain his recent engagement. He will be missed.

Peninsular Life

Only in the Bay area, where you pay thousands of dollars a month to live anywhere, can you describe your residence this way: You know the bushes on the corner where that lady in the wheelchair sleeps when she's not yelling? Yeah, I live across the street, INSIDE the building.

And no view.

Better Breeding

It's 2014, people. And scientists. They have bred the "string" out of string beans. That's remarkable.

Now, why can't they breed out of dogs the toxicity of chocolate, grapes and garlic so I don't have to worry about accidentally poisoning my pup?