Final thought for 2014

Wrong. Delicious and wrong.
Take a buttery croissant, some slices of creamy havarti and add...bologna.
Like I said. 

Great before-the-end-of-2014 Idea

You know when you are at a new job, and you don't know anyone? You're meeting new co-workers every day, forming opinions, learning who's who. Eventually you get a little more comfortable with some of them. Then somewhere down the road you find out that two of them are married. Or siblings? And you have an oh-crap moment while you try to remember, did I ever say anything in any way negative to one about the other? I'll bet you've had that moment.

That's why there should be - say, inside the employee directory - an identifier indicating people who are in some way related to each other. Maybe between their names and their email addresses. Wouldn't that prevent some awkward and regrettable moments?

Yeah, it would!

Challenge of the Week

You know what's hard to do? Cry and floss your teeth at the same time.

Don't lose the comma!

Please, don't let ignorance of its correct implementation let comma use fall by the wayside. A direct address is the perfect place to use one. I'm talking to you, Blog Readers! (See what I did there?)

Just use it after the greeting, before the person you are talking to, and we'll be good. Ya feel me? Thanks. I feel better.

Maybe this will help

I don't blame Hillary Clinton for avoiding the question of whether she's running for president. Every day she delays saves her money for a campaign. I don't even know whether I would vote for her.

Then the other day I was at an event for women, waiting in line in the ladies' room. In this day and age, this is ridiculous. Then it occurred to me that if the U.S. had a woman president, I'll bet they'd be building more ladies' rooms before inauguration day.

Notice the increase in minorities now represented on tv and billboards since Barack Obama was elected? That's no coincidence, my friends.

So, if electing a woman president will finally improve the separate and very unequal restroom situation, I'm willing to do it on principle.

As long as it's not Sarah Palin.

Ribbon MisRepresentation

Warning: Half baked theorizing ahead.

I heard a very old song the other day during aqua aerobics..."Tie A Yellow Ribbon." Remember it? It's about a guy coming home to his sweetheart after a long time away, having written a letter hoping that she will be waiting for him. And she is. Awww.

And as a result of this song, we have ribbons and, subsequently, car magnets and lapel pins that help us express our feelings for those causes and people we feel so strongly about, like soldiers, diseases and death. All good, right?

Until you listen closely to the lyrics, it could be reasonably assumed that the man is returning from fighting a war. But not so fast. The guy was actually in prison. And he was returning from serving time, not his country. [See/hear the lyrics here: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/franksinatra/tieayellowribbonaroundtheoleoaktree.html]


We don't know what this guy did wrong but he could have dodged the draft, given someone a disease or even killed a person. And now there's a ribbon for it. How's that for irony?! (Pretty good, actually.)

Whose Beeswax is it Anyway?

First: Robin Williams, RIP. At least I hope he does.

It is now universally known that Robin Williams committed suicide. And how he did it. And what room he did it in.

When did our society decide that we are entitled to know everything we want to know, no matter how personal or whose business it really is, and when did the media agree to supply us?

Just vile.

UPDATE: Apparently, California law considers such details public information, but that doesn't justify announcing it at a press conference (or at all).
http://pagesix.com/2014/08/14/why-sheriff-released-robin-williams-death-details/

Soda: To Tax or Not to Tax

So, San Francisco is proposing a new tax on soda. The issue has the usual supporters and opponents:
http://time.com/3020544/soda-tax-san-francisco-vote/

We all get it. Those (of us) who don't drink much soda, and some of those who think we drink too much, are okay with the idea. Industry officials and Libertarians in general are, of course, against it.

According to this report, the deep-pocketed American Beverage Association is willing to spend big bucks to defeat such a measure. Enormous bucks, actually. In other words, $10 million.
http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/S-F-soda-tax-would-drop-consumption-31-percent-5636558.php

But I have a brilliant solution: City by the Bay, implement the tax and reap the rewards. As for the ABA, why not instead spend that $10 million dollars, or less, lowering the price of soda so no one feels the pinch?

Win/win, I say.

Dear Media

Attention news people: Be more specific! Telling me there was a natural disaster or man-made tragedy in Florida or California isn't telling me enough. These are big states! Give me a city or at least a county. Just because it didn't happen in my state doesn't mean I don't care about the rest of them. (I notice this never happens when you're talking about New York. I always get the details if something happens there.)

How else do you expect me to learn/or care?

Crazy or Just Oblivious?

It's time to play nobody's favorite game..."Crazy or Bluetooth Oblivious?"

Here's how it works: When you see someone walking down the street, talking a little too loudly with no cell phone in sight, don't you wonder what's up with that? Are they talking to imaginary people or just unaware of everything and everyone else in the world except the voice coming out of that thing in their ear?

I don't know for sure but I have learned one thing. If they're speaking another language, a recognizable one, they're probably legitimately talking to another actual person. If it's English, it's still anyone's guess.

The Beginning of the End of Something Significant

As first reported by Advertising Age apparently, two major magazines that are still in print are doing the unthinkable: Allowing advertising on the cover. Here are the details...

http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/17158039-time-magazine-and-sports-illustrated-to-print-ads-on-their-covers

The natural argument again this policy is a little weak considering the ad is so small, you'd have to actively look for it to find it. In fact, it looks almost too unobtrusive to possibly be effective.

Still, the fact that this is now becoming an acceptable practice speaks volumes. To me, it says that profits are king and that nothing - not integrity or principle or a goal of transparency - will come before them. When did money become the only thing of value in society?

Farmers Market Etiquette?

I love the free samples at the neighborhood farmer's markets. Recently, I visited a booth I'd not been to before where a woman was selling her rugelach, which I love. Usually. The nice lady offered me a sample which I gratefully accepted.

It was horrible.

The woman, the baker herself I'm assuming, asked me how it was. What should I have said? Does it make sense to lie and be polite, never informing the woman that she's making a dreadful tasting product and that she should change the recipe immediately? Who does that serve?

So I lied. And I'll probably do it again.

Is George Clooney Dying?

I can come to no other logical conclusion to explain his recent engagement. He will be missed.

Peninsular Life

Only in the Bay area, where you pay thousands of dollars a month to live anywhere, can you describe your residence this way: You know the bushes on the corner where that lady in the wheelchair sleeps when she's not yelling? Yeah, I live across the street, INSIDE the building.

And no view.

Better Breeding

It's 2014, people. And scientists. They have bred the "string" out of string beans. That's remarkable.

Now, why can't they breed out of dogs the toxicity of chocolate, grapes and garlic so I don't have to worry about accidentally poisoning my pup?

Tips for Tourists

1. Never EVER shop for bathing suits after eating at the buffet.

2. If you ignore tip #1 and DO go shopping and DO manage to find a swimsuit that goes all the way over your immense torso without exploding, BUY IT!

That is all.

DMV office closes after driver crashes into building

As a journalist, of course I love this kind of story...

http://www.mercurynews.com/bay-area-news/ci_25345865/san-jose-car-crashes-into-dmv-office-brief

But you would think by now that designers of buildings where drivers tests are given would plan for more reinforced construction, and maybe install giant rubber bumpers on the corners, right?

(By the way, it was her third attempt at getting a license.)

Least Favorite Stores to Shop In

Apropos of nothing, the businesses below are where I least enjoy shopping and why...

Home Depot - Not just because I don't know what I'm doing there but because it is so darn difficult to get someone to help you figure it out.

AT&T - You can wait forever and there are no chairs. When you do get answers from a service person, you don't understand what the heck they told you.

IKEA - Hard to believe I have to explain this. IKEA is just a dreadful place to be in the middle of. Even though the merchandise is reasonably priced (cheap, usually) and you can pay someone to put it together for you, the display rooms are aspirational only. Even the done-up 225-square-foot apartment model is too perfect. You will never achieve this or any other IKEA look in your own home.

Warm for Winter

Dear Broadcasters and Meteorologists:

seasonably - Appropriate for the time of year
unseasonably - Unusual for the time of year as in, "unseasonably warm"

seasonally - Pertaining to certain seasons of the year as in, "seasonal employment"
unseasonally - NO SUCH WORD

Thank you!

First Vocabulary Words of 2014

Latest word I'm in love with and never use but will try to:

imbue - (verb) to cause to become filled or saturated with a certain quality; to cause someone to become deeply affected by a feeling or to have a certain quality; endow
Her experience in Europe imbued her with a certain sophistication.


Best word you've never heard but is fun to say and not impractical for use in conversation:

smeap - (noun) a reprimand, snub or rebuke

(Thanks, "Says You!" at http://www.saysyou.net/)

Now go forth and have fun with language!

Puppy Love 2014

I hate to cave to search based headlines but here goes...

Top 5 reasons why it's better to have a dog than a child:

1. You can pick one you think is cute. 
2. Your dog will not grow up one day and hate you. Unconditional love, baby! 
3. If you really screw up in raising your dog, you probably won’t even know it. 
4. Very few people don’t like dogs, as opposed to children.
5. No social security or health insurance enrollment required!